Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
