Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
