There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
