We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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