I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
