The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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