I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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