What did we do last night that was yellow?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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