i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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