Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
