She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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