He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
