I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
