you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
