so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
