The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
