i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
