Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
