Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We just shotgunned beers for America
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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