i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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