Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
