OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
