are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
