i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
