I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
