I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
