You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
