so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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