she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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