I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
