Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
