I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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