Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
