There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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