Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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