Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
