I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
