it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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