please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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