So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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