I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
