I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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