so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you win again, gameday.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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