wrigley field is MILF paradise
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
