I wannas sexs uuuuu
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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