his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
