Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
birth control should be required to get into college
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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