She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
