Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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