new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
