Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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