I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
