worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
