I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
last night I used snow as a chaser
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