The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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